Black Belt Mother Fucking Jones here, back from another sojourn in the clink.  (Dis time I got busted for having the biggest dick in the five boroughs—jealous cock smokers!)  Anywho, while I was in the big house I did some thinking, you knows, figuring shit out.  And I had a grand mother fucking epiphany: I needs to get back to me roots: bathroom graffiti.

Hommies, I use to be the grand fucking master of bathroom stall graffiti.  My specially, naturally, was Pussy with a capital P.  Yeah son, I drew my fare share of dicks busting grisly– (continue reading…)

We’ve all seen American Pie; consequently we’ve all thought about sticking our dicks in warm food.  Sadly, a few of us have even gone all the way with an assortment of microwavable dishes; and even more pitiful, a select handful of us have burnt our peckers to shit by thrusting our cocks in piping hot meals.  Ouch!

From what I gather, women have it much easier masturbating with food than us fellas.  Hell, all they need is a something is with a little stiffness to it, like a cucumber, the feelings of the eatable be damned (as seen above).  Urban– (continue reading…)

When you hit your stride, run with it, let it take you to whatever end it may, odds are it’s gonna be good.  Like this fella here.  In a flash, he turns a nightmare situation, being caught in public with your dick out, into a fucking-the-hottest-girl-in-the-room hilarious happening.

My fellow dudes, learn from this guy’s example: rise to the occasion.  And straight up, apply this maxim to any and all aspects of your life.  Say if you get caught by your wife in– (continue reading…)

Straight up, there’s nothing worse than being tailed by a mob of man sized sperm that are acting in pantomime.  Happened to me once in Amsterdam, nearly caused an ovum riot in the red light district.  Luckily for all involved, my spunk was far too stoned to cause much damage, just a few scared pros and an indiscriminant peppering of walking hazards.

The above being said, Durex is on their A-game with their viral marketing commercials.  This shit is funny.  Granted, spunk, the white stuff, Captain Cream, spluge, gak, man-goo, man-nog, penis snot, semen is inherently humorous, it being the wayward banana peel of the coitus comedy, but this does not mean– (continue reading…)

Here’s an example of viral marketing at its smuttiest.  Hey Diesel, you know dirty!  But even this hilariously censored porn montage is still worthy of a quick toss in my books.  It just goes to show, you can take the genitals out of porn but can’t take the porn out of you.

This little ditty reminds me how fucking much I love retro porn– (continue reading…)

I thought I had morning wood!   Dude has weekend wood!

I’m not ashamed to admit it; I’ve had fantasies about the lady sign more than once.  She’s just so cute in her little dress!

She must have sucked off Delco in his H2 at the station.

This must be a morning event.

Somebody better test that dude for preformance enhancing drugs.

Sad, these condoms get more action than I do.