All men are born with a pair of very apt masturbatory tools: they are called hands.  Sure, we use these instruments of cock-caress for other purposes too–building civilizations, opening pickle jars, operating machine guns—but god mostly intended them for two things: scratching balls and jerking shaft.

The above being said, all men enjoy variety, especially when it comes to busting nuts.  And yes, sometimes Palm-ala just won’t cut it.  That’s why one must MacGyver it when Mr. Thick Dick so demands.  Women go for the vegetable crisper in these situations; we men head to the garage.  I’m not– (continue reading…)

Okay, granted, that’s not a deep fried hotdog up this babe’s ultra pink pussy, but it sure looks like one, and while we’re on the subject of food-in-sex/food-in-her, if you had to choose an eatable object to make romance to a vagina with, what would that food be?  And let’s be reasonable here, no watermelons or pumpkins (though feel free to nominate other gourds).

This should warm it up

In my opinion, nothing beats the classics: cucumbers, carrots, and assorted sausages.  These are the staples of a well balanced vaginal diet.  Other notable entries, excuse the pun, would have to– (continue reading…)

Okay, so how is giving a piece of plastic a blowjob suppose to be sexy; it’s not like it’s going to start moaning and bust some major nuts, yet this woman-on-inanimate object action is far from rare.  I see it all the time.  And frankly, it’s pissing me off!

I hope this photo doesn't affect my MENSA application

There’s a dangerous shortage of proper blowjobs out there, so when I see a hearty suck WASTED on a fucking stick of rubber, I get angry.  Dudes, tell your– (continue reading…)

…because some things just don’t belong buried in a cunt.  Case in point, Lollipop Lesbians: Disk 1.  From my understanding, refined sugar in a vagina is a big no no.  Boy, is this girl gonna be bashful explaining to her gynecologist why her pussy is so sick yet so delicious tasting.

I say leave food for the mouth and dick, and an assortment of non-food found items, for the snatch.  You’re not gonna get bacterial issues from a pool cue or from a bundle of drumsticks (assuming that they’re clean, of course).  Fuck, call me– (continue reading…)