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Tag: teen

Amateur head professionally executed

by on Oct.03, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

It’s counter intuitive, but pornstars don’t necessarily give the best blowjobs.  I’m willing to wager every penny I’ll ever make that the best cock-smoker on the planet is some overweight homebody, farting up the couch some place nobody would expect, like in Fargo, North Dakota or Hohhot, Inner Mongolia.

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So when you hear the term “amateur,” by no means does that equate to poor quality; in fact, in most case what you’ll get is top calibre dirty.  Case in point, take a– (continue reading…)

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Kilts: Yeah, you keep that shit on!

by on Sep.30, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Men have a uniform: it’s called the suit.  At some point in history, we were denied the myriad of choices that women have when it comes to formal wear.  We can choose color and cut, and tie of course, but that’s about it.  The ladies, on the other hand, can pretty much wear any blasted thing they want, as long as some European dude somewhere, at some point, has deeded it fashionable.  This being said, if were up to me, females would have a standard uniform just like us males.  And yes, it would definitely involve a kilt and pigtails, like this girl here from Dirty Goddess Volume 4, Part 2.

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Private and catholic schools seem to be on the same page here as me, most enforcing strict guidelines on the matter.  Would it really be that hard to expand– (continue reading…)

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Yes, it’s totally alright to hate this man

by on Sep.27, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

No one likes someone who’s spoiled rotten, like this dude here who’s having his entire package lovingly worked by a threesome of smokin’ barely legals.  It’s just not fucking fair.  Why should this one fella get to hog all of that hottie attention?  Well, it might have something to do with that mansion he’s in.  It might also have to do with the fact that there is no god.

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Seriously now, tell me what I need to do for one of these über sucks?  I’ll do it.  Free climb the Empire State Building, done!  Run a marathon while drinking my weight in hot sauce, no problem.  Name the deed, and I’m there.  I mean it.  NAME IT!  Anything for an 18 & Eager cluster blow—anything!

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I could watch girls masturbate indefinitely

by on Sep.06, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Oh, we’re lucky, this girlie is a live one!  Look at her grind up on those fingers, toggling her clit on the backbeat.  Yep, she’s done this before.  She’s gotta be barely legal and she’s already choking that cunt like a seasoned clam bashing pro (as if there were such a thing as a professional clam basher, but imagine for one second that there were.  What would be their benefits?  Hand wash?)

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This clip is from University Co-eds Issue #20.  I don’t know about you, but my university dorm looked nothing like– (continue reading…)

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Teen Lesbians: prettier than a bag of booze, a case of sunsets

by on Aug.28, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Flawless skin, glowing doe eyes, pinkness that doesn’t lick off, teen lesbians are where it’s mother fucking at.  Look at these two in Her First Lesbian Experience 6; they are nearly GODS.  BB Jones has seen some of dis action in his daze, for reals.  At this party in the Bronx I did witness a clam-on-clam scissor kick of epic proportions; these two freshly legal thangs trying use each other’s legs to rub their hoods off as if their pussies be on fire.

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Yeah son, I saw it go down and I jizzed in my pants, told these two fools beside me what I had just done and they wrote a mother fucking song about it.  How about that!  Those mother– (continue reading…)

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Ginger Box: Redheads and their fiery bushes

by on Aug.21, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Yes sir, der be nothing more fine than a slice of pussy cherry pie.   You know BB Jones be having a thing for gingers since day one.  Love that orange muff, wanna spike it with my finger tent, nosh it between my lips with my mouth cock, then finally beat it to a fluffy pink dust with my low hanging balls wrecking ball.

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Above is Cherry Poppins doing her thing in Monster Cocks and Gaping Assholes 5.  She be one of my favs.   Love the soft body, the pale skin, and oh yes, the hairy twat.  Gotta have some– (continue reading…)

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Teen Summer Gang Bang: It’s exactly what you think!

by on Aug.10, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

There’s nothing subtle about five guys screwing the hell out of two horny teens; Teen Summer Gang Bang, you are to porn what Pauly Shore is to comedy: absolutely transparent!

I’ve said this once, but I feel I need to say it again: sharing a vagina with another dick, at the same time, is awfully gay.  That’s just my opinion, it might be awesome for all I know, but it looks a little cramped to me.

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And then there’s having your own hole to fuck, but your balls are slapping against the other dude’s balls.  Look at– (continue reading…)

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Teen Bum: 199 out of 200 Tony Danzas Approve!

by on Jul.29, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

It’s true!  Tony Danza would side-jump over a million couches and bang a million Monas just to have a gander, the briefest look, at the fine petite ass featured here in Try a Teen 14.  (I don’t know what my recent obsession with all things Danza has to do with teen porn, it just does and I’m gonna run with it.)   Move over Angela, Tony’s got some eggs to crack and some assholes to eyeball!

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Eh oh, oh eh–let’s move on.  (The eighties, a television comedic wasteland, and yet I love it so.  What’s wrong with me?!)  Anywho, let’s get back to– (continue reading…)

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Wild College Co-Eds 5, still not studying

by on Jul.15, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Who’s got time to hit the books when there’s masturbation and fucking-most-nasty to be had?  (Sounds like my college years.)

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Sure, going to class, doing homework, and getting good grades are important and all, but so is busting balls in as many young eager beavers as possible.  I’m reminded of— (continue reading…)

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