First off, I outright reject the idea that too much of a good thing could possible be bad.  Yeah, sure, maybe if you’re an idiot too much money, sex, intelligence might fuck you up.  But for any dude with a head on his shoulders, the above saying simply does not apply.

That above being said, there comes a time, after a-many internet masturbation session, that ordinary objects all start looking like dicks, assholes, and boobs.  Frankly, I can’t leave my house without being constantly reminded of– (continue reading…)

There’s no way around it, modern life is intricate and complex.  First you gotta worry about getting laid, then paying your bills, your health, some mad fucking nut-job with his finger on the doomsday button.  It’s a shit-show, no doubt about it, but at least in the eye of this hurricane of crap, there is peace—its name is porn and yes, it is an oasis.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m milking voluminous nuts to an über naughty video I’m not thinking about the stormy weather, my bitching girlfriend, that pile of dirty laundry I have to do—no, I’m thinking– (continue reading…)

This guy is my hero!  Dude has his priorities straight.  His fucking house is on fire, and it’s bad.  Hell, he has to get evacuated through his god dawn apartment window.  And look.  Escaping with his life isn’t enough.  For this guy, life without his 30 pound brick of porn simply isn’t worth the hassle of saving his own skin.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: the blueprints for the fucking Death Star better be on that hard drive.  Nope, it’s just porn.  But hey, masturbatory aids are– (continue reading…)

After I rub off this nut, I'm gonna lobby to ban porn

The statistic are in, red states spend more money on porn than blue states. Hypocrites! Degenerates! Actual human beings!

More good news: Utah, the home of the puritan weirdo, comes in at number one for online smut consumption with 5.47 porn subscriptions per 1000 home broadband users (hehe, Broadband”). Alaska and Mississippi follow closely behind with 5.03 and 4.30 respectively.
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Sadly, I would enjoy that film

Susan Boyle, the homely Scottish singer rocketed to fame by Britain’s Got Talent, has been offered a million dollars by LA based Kick Ass Films to star in a porno.

The 47 year-old self-confessed virgin has yet to comment on the offer. One thing is certain, however. If that vid was made, I’d watch it.
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This kid has entirely too much time on his hands.  Get outside, throw a ball around, make some gawd damn friends.

I haven't jizzed in my pants like this since high school

A University in Taiwan now offers a course which teaches students how to appreciate and analyze porn movies.

One would figure that the final exam would involve jerking-off into a sock and a one word summation–Gravy–but apparently there’s a lot more to it than that. In order to successful complete the course students must give a 15 minute academic presentation involving psychology in connection to audience reaction, namely the class’ reaction to the xxx material reviewed in lecture. No masturbation required. Well, not officially.
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I've got a cock-smoking problem: two dicks, one mouth

Scottsdale, Arizona – If you thought Janet Jackso’s jewelled Super Bowl nipple was a coo, the folks in Scottsdale, Arizona were treated this year to a 4th quarter 30-second clip from Jenna Jameson’s Club Jenna channel, featuring a blowjob true to its XXX origin, up-close and very personal.
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