Jizz, what can’t you do?  Condition hair, slick a cunt for maximum enjoyment, generate Jackson Pollock inspirited body art, provide much needed protein for hungry bitches, oh, and the whole create human life thing—frankly, there’s no end to your usefulness!

Yeah, I walk around like this. What's it to ya?

Few sights awe me as much as a cum speckled mouth.  That being said, I’ll be the first one to admit that at times it totally grosses me out.  Straight up, it’s all about– (continue reading…)

—not that spunk, per say, has a monetary value and that a hundred and ten pounds of the stuff would buy you a new car; what I’m trying to say here is that, given a go at one of these vixens, the mass in your own jizz load may very well match the total weight of one of these hotties (clothes on), which, from my reckoning, must signify one hell-of-an-orgasm.

Yep, there’s nothing quite like plowing some fallen pixie princess with your nuts a-blazing.  Cute, tight, and a little dirty, these stylish twats are Grade-A clam for any occasion, equally– (continue reading…)

6. Jizzed-in-my-Pants Fuck Face: This orgasm is characterized by sudden euphoria, body tremors, lip biting, lip curling, and yes, that all too familiar glazed over look to the eyes.  It’s a nut well busted indeed, but not always welcomed, especially if you don’t have a change of drawers handy.

Fuck, now I gotta sit in glue for the rest of the day

5.  I-spunk-so-hard-it-hurts Fuck Face: Check out Arnie letting some seed fly.  Like the rest of his body, his dick is pumped to the max, and blows wads accordingly.  Naturally, this hurts: no one really wants a howitzer for a cock, despite being able to shoot shit out of the sky it.  Straight up, this shit is just painful.

If it bleeds, I can drill it

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Listen up, hommies.  Black Belt Jones is gonna let you in on a little mother fucking secret: Ladies love ‘em sloppy facials.  Take a good hard glander at dis ‘ere philly; she be elated over ‘er streak of de man oil.  She knows that it be great for ‘er hair and fantastic for ‘er complexion, not to mention a badge of honor on her bed sheets.

Sir, I'd like some more, please

So next time you’re about to pop a nut-cap in her ass, think twice.  You may be wasting your monster load.  Hands down, pull that mother fucking cock out and plant your– (continue reading…)

Have you ever looked up into the sky and thought to yourself: Damn, it looks like some celestial dude just jizzed across the heavens! And later you were told that what you saw wasn’t the remnants of some godly spluge, but the 200 billion-odd stars of our Milky Way Galaxy.  Well, I got some good new for ya, friend.  Your original inklings were right on the money.  Our sky is more spunky than starry, and this picture proves it!

God’s fat cock: what did you think it would like it?

At first, the scientist who spotted this cosmic fountainhead of galactic cum couldn’t believe their results, but what were they to do.  They couldn’t dismiss all of this data and proof from their new fangled billion dollar eye-in-the-sky.  “Yep, that’s Yahweh’s yang, alright,” the research– (continue reading…)

You have your boy’s nights out, so she gets her girl’s nights out—that’s cool.  It gives you a chance to get a little wild with your buds, guilt free.  Generally, you hit a bunch of bars, maybe a club, get totally fucked up, and come crawling home at four in the morning.  No harm, no foul.   You imagine your girlfriend/wife’s evenings out on the town are pretty tame in comparison.  Guess again.

It's my party and I'll gangbang if I want to

Nightmare, I know.  Relax, I’m just fucking with you.  As if your partner could get away with being a Bukkake babe without you totally being on to her.  How could– (continue reading…)

No wonder why the Morningstar got cast out of heaven, with a fully loaded spluge shotgun like this one, he must have been spunking up cloud nine something fierce.  Fuck, before this dude came along, the Pearly Gates were known as the Cast Iron Somewhat Decorative Gates.  Look at Lucifer go!  He’s got more stopping power in that there gun than a Desert jizzing Eagle.

See how that second brunette recoils as the first– (continue reading…)

This is especially true for those with hardwood floors.  Heads up!  This could be you!

I deserve nothing less!

Nothing sucks more than a slippery seed initiated fall.  Two parts disgusting and one part humility– (continue reading…)