Straight up, there’s nothing worse than being tailed by a mob of man sized sperm that are acting in pantomime.  Happened to me once in Amsterdam, nearly caused an ovum riot in the red light district.  Luckily for all involved, my spunk was far too stoned to cause much damage, just a few scared pros and an indiscriminant peppering of walking hazards.

The above being said, Durex is on their A-game with their viral marketing commercials.  This shit is funny.  Granted, spunk, the white stuff, Captain Cream, spluge, gak, man-goo, man-nog, penis snot, semen is inherently humorous, it being the wayward banana peel of the coitus comedy, but this does not mean– (continue reading…)

Welcome to jokes-you-can-only-tell-your-buddies, part one.   Here’s a taste of some of my personal favourites.  Remember, you’re not responsible for what happens to the joke after you tell it, but you better tell it fucking right the first time around.

1.
How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

2.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”. The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”

She must be a vegetarian

3.
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and– (continue reading…)

Zen Buddhists believe that everything is temporary, that there is no permanence in the universe, and thus, we should all chill-out and smell the vaginas.  Well, I hate to break it to these tre deep medication fuckers, but getting hoofed in the nuts SUCKS, and that ain’t changing.

Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord

Every man has been rocked in the family jewels at least once in his lifetime.  The last time it happened to me it was totally my own damn fault.  Drunk and stumbling in the dark to the washroom, I steered– (continue reading…)

I’ve often thought about it myself: how does my vagina see the world? Does it see beauty?  Can it appreciate the colors of a sunset?  Does it notice the difference between spring and fall?  Where does its vision begin and where does it end?  Well, mystery solved.  Thanks Youtube for satisfying yet another self-indulgent curiosity.

I’m actually quite impressed with this little ditty.  The only thing missing– (continue reading…)

This is especially true for those with hardwood floors.  Heads up!  This could be you!

I deserve nothing less!

Nothing sucks more than a slippery seed initiated fall.  Two parts disgusting and one part humility– (continue reading…)

Vandals, you’ve gotta love them.  Look at the craftsmanship in that sign edit.  I’m impressed.  Constance Bay, eh.  It looks like that burg has it all: a house of warship, fine dinning, a grocery cart, boating, fuel, and yes, stand-up doggie style fucking.

Home of the Gagger!

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Do you have any Dr. Phils back there?

If this trend continues, hopefully the huge communist country may tap a near limitless source of comedic gold.

Imagine Bill Cosby’s face on the pack of ribbed for pleasure, the quote reading “Keep your pudding.”

Or Jerry Seinfeld’s mug on a rubber wrap: “What’s the deal with insemination?”

This marketing strategy may be just what the doctor ordered for the sleeping dragon. With a population of over 1.3 BILLION people, it is high time that these folks tossed some spunk to the wayside.

Hey Pinky, do you ever get the feeling that you’re alone in the universe?

Quite the opposite, Flesh-Tone, I have a very fulfilling existence, or rather, a very filling existence.

I don’t know about you, but my fleshlight would be singing the blues. (continue reading…)

I thought I had morning wood!   Dude has weekend wood!

This one is a classic.  If you haven’t seen this little diddity, you’re in for a real treat.

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