The desire to spank ass is deeply programmed in human nature, be the bottom in question exposed, covered, small, large, shapely, or malformed.  Personally, every time I’ve got a big round thing in my face, I’m clapping nether cheeks with both hands as I stifle myself, nostril deep, in sweet and sour rump.

Pulling down your panties, that's a paddlin'

The only question I really see here is how hard does one hit? Naturally, the both of you want to happily walk away from the experience, satisfied and properly punished, with no lasting trauma, but if you go too– (continue reading…)

I’m all for multitasking, but I draw the line at hacking a butt while busting a nut.  It’s all about focus.  How am I to envision an anal bang Xanadu if I taking hot eye-tokes from the cigarette dangling from my mouth with ash falling all over the place, mixing with cum to form a nasty grey cement-like substance, one which is simply impossible to scrape off by traditional means.

The above being said, I do understand that “sexy smoking” is a fetish for some, and I’m not one to judge; I’m just caught up on the logistics of the whole thing.  It seems both messy and dangerous.  The last thing one– (continue reading…)

Okay, granted, that’s not a deep fried hotdog up this babe’s ultra pink pussy, but it sure looks like one, and while we’re on the subject of food-in-sex/food-in-her, if you had to choose an eatable object to make romance to a vagina with, what would that food be?  And let’s be reasonable here, no watermelons or pumpkins (though feel free to nominate other gourds).

This should warm it up

In my opinion, nothing beats the classics: cucumbers, carrots, and assorted sausages.  These are the staples of a well balanced vaginal diet.  Other notable entries, excuse the pun, would have to– (continue reading…)

I like kink.  I do.  Fetishes are fucking awesome.  That being said, I’ve never looked at an enema bag and thought to myself I should throw that fucker into the mix.  Call me old fashion, call me tame, but what ever happened to leather chaps and whips and oversized dildos and hooker boots?

Hey, I’m all for foreign objects up the pooper, but this particular application of that maxim has some very messy consequences that I simply don’t see enhancing the sexual experience.  I’m not going to spell it out– (continue reading…)

My last all-lady gangbang was pretty tame compared to this action from Pussy Galore.  Sure, we ate each other out, had some good times with some big toys, did some spanking, a whole lot of fingering, and we even got some food involved, but it definitely didn’t have the same raw animalistic passions seen here in the below clip.

All I have to say is “WOW!”  Look at these feral fuckers go.  I’ve never been one to involve my feet in a poon smashing session, but after viewing this footage, I’m– (continue reading…)

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about the futility, the abject stupidity, of sucking off a fucking piece of plastic, but I feel that I need to reiterate myself, especially when suddenly confronted with a clip like this one where an otherwise AWE-INSPIRING blowjob is wasted on a gawd dawn doorstop.

The above scene is taken from The Asylum, a particularly fantastic movie featuring Bondage, S&M, and everything fetish; it just a shame that the players within had to have a run-in with– (continue reading…)

So you’re doing some home renovations, knocking down a few walls, moving some shit around, adding some crap, removing some crap; it’s the wife’s way of keeping you busy and out of trouble.  Most of stuff you don’ t mind doing, except for painting—painting sucks!  No worries, a friend of yours is a contractor and will hook you up with some helpers.  It’s Saturday: you go out to pick up some supplies and…

You get back early, and guess what, that handsome couple you left working away an hour ago are now up to their innards in sex most excellent.  Here are your options: 1. you– (continue reading…)

…well, sort of.  They clean each other in the living room, on the couch, not in some dank dungeon (moved out of the dungeon last year), and as a rule, they do their grooming at night for privacy, free of voyeuristic creepy dudes in hooded cloaks, unless you count Halloween time, in which case, they are surrounded by creepy dudes in hooded cloaks, myself included.

This clip is from the film Underworld, which is a 4 scene collection of “dark and dialogue-free sex vignettes.”  Spot on!  Who needs talking when there’re assholes to eat and– (continue reading…)