The below clip is taken from the original Deep Throat, which is perhaps the most famous porno film of all time—not to mention the most profitable (adjusted for inflation, it has grossed over 600 MILLION dollars).   And you know what, this shit is still awesome: funny, strange, kinky, and yes, good for a hard crank.

Straight up, Linda Lovelace–not shown above–was a fucking sweetheart, sweet and cute and dirty and had no bottom to her mouth.  What she did with a foot long cock is still a high water mark for extreme blowjobs; in fact, I don’t think I’ve seen her equal, which is saying a lot seeing that I watch dozens of BJs everyday…  I need help. I need an another set of balls.

Boy, times sure have changed.  Today when people get together for a gangbang, they show up wearing little more than jeans and a T-shirt.  Where’s the decorum in that, the sexiness, the class, the sense of occasion?  Even in the eighties, the most tawdry of decades, folks had the good judgment to fix themselves up for an orgy.  Sadly, we’ve lost that.

Just look at the outfits in the above clip from Golden Age of Porn: Candy Samples: these individuals were the best of both worlds—wild and civilized, feral and domesticated, and as any– (continue reading…)

Tacky big hair, stupid makeup, ridiculous jewelry, mundane everything, the 80s, why-o-why are you my favorite fucking decade to masturbate to.   I don’t get it.  I hate everything about you, your materialism, your pop, your pullovers, yet here I am, beholding your porn, semen practically streaming down my leg.

Yep, it’s confirmed: I fucking LOVE retro dirty, or at the very least, my dick does.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my first glimpses of XXX took place in the 80s, featured the– (continue reading…)

Perhaps I’ve grown weary of modern porn, with its perfectly manicured orifices and it’s digitally enhanced everything; perhaps I’m just a hippy when it comes to getting down to bumping uglies, but I likes my poon like I likes my burgers—with all the fixings!

This is way I often find myself surfing retro porn, particularly the European classics like this one: French Sex Delights.  There are no pretenses here, no fake orgasms or faux moans of– (continue reading…)

Simply put, some things don’t change, and for the most part, what was true yesterday is still true today.  Case in point: blondes and their penis worshiping ways.  Here’s a clip from Diamond Collection 30.  As you can see, this well boobed babe isn’t shy about her affinity for fucking steel shafted schlong.  Like today’s golden haired hottie, she’s a confirmed cock fiend, a native lady of the River Styx, an all around clam happy cooze.

Gotta love those tan lines.  Man, I love retro porn.  I don’t know what it is about it, but for some reason it seems dirtier.  Perhaps it’s the– (continue reading…)

If retro, golden age smut is your cock’s delight, look no further, this is the diamond dick standard in vintage crank.  The vast majority of Alpha France Corp films were made in the early 70s, shot on actual 35mm film, and were publicly released in French movie theaters, but don’t let that mislead you, these flicks are ball busting hardcore fare; there just happens to be some talking and plot between the highly stylized cinematic fuck making.  Here’s a clip from Crazy Girls in Heat.

Note the attention paid to mise-en-scene (the set, props, costume) and editing; real thought and planning went into this film, something which is sorely lacking in– (continue reading…)

Porn these days is all gimmicks and hype, reality porn being the latest biggie to really rock the industry, but nothing will ever replace the immortal blonde with big tits.  Timeless and elegant, it is what it is, simply beautiful.  They say that blondes have more fun, well shit, maybe the ones that look like this Betty do.

Forget the rug, check my asshole hairs: yep, this is all me!

Granted, I could do without the tribal tat on her arm, but besides that, this girl is your– (continue reading…)