Masturbation, the Fountain of Youth?  If Chuck does it, then yes.  If the internet has taught me anything, it has taught me to do as Chuck does.  Fuck, look at the guy!  He’s 70 years old and he’s still a long boat full of Vikings, an aircraft carrier of ninja commandos, a walking and shitting grenade blast with six-pack abs.

Pre or post masturbation smoke: you decide

He fought Bruce Lee, he fought giants, he fought communism, he fought terrorists before terrorism was all the vogue, and in his spare time he cleaned up the wild West with nothing but a man’s beard, a pair of denims, and spinning kicks.  So believe me when I tell you, if Chuck chokes the chicken, that’s one dead mother fucking bird.

The only thing worse than overhearing some dude brag that he slams snatch ten times a day or that he reams pussy—for hours on end—at 300 beats a minute is these claims actually being true.  Nobody likes a show-off.  It makes the rest of us fellas look bad.  Hell, we’re doing our best, just because we’re lazy lovers, you don’t have to rub it our face.

Did Chuck Norris show you this one, asshole

There should be a rule: if you’re fucking Superman in the sheets, keep it to yourself.  Hell, the lady you’re spoiling is gonna yap about it enough, you don’t need turn insult to injury.  There should– (continue reading…)

Zen Buddhists believe that everything is temporary, that there is no permanence in the universe, and thus, we should all chill-out and smell the vaginas.  Well, I hate to break it to these tre deep medication fuckers, but getting hoofed in the nuts SUCKS, and that ain’t changing.

Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord

Every man has been rocked in the family jewels at least once in his lifetime.  The last time it happened to me it was totally my own damn fault.  Drunk and stumbling in the dark to the washroom, I steered– (continue reading…)