The below clip is taken from the original Deep Throat, which is perhaps the most famous porno film of all time—not to mention the most profitable (adjusted for inflation, it has grossed over 600 MILLION dollars).   And you know what, this shit is still awesome: funny, strange, kinky, and yes, good for a hard crank.

Straight up, Linda Lovelace–not shown above–was a fucking sweetheart, sweet and cute and dirty and had no bottom to her mouth.  What she did with a foot long cock is still a high water mark for extreme blowjobs; in fact, I don’t think I’ve seen her equal, which is saying a lot seeing that I watch dozens of BJs everyday…  I need help. I need an another set of balls.

There’re two things that should never be faked: Redheads and Ball Love.  The comely ginger in the below clip from ATK Red Delicious is the real McCoy on both accounts.  What a stunner!  And just look at the why she relishes that lucky sack as if she were Louis Armstrong and those dangling nuts were her trumpet.

Beauty tea-bagged; I’m in love.  Freckles punctuated with cum splatter and dick sweat, that’s how I likes it.  No wonder there’re so many redhead fans in the world, with gingers– (continue reading…)

Kristin Davis, known for her roll as Charlotte York in Sex in the City, apparently made some poor decisions in her pre-fame years.  She has openly admitted that she’s a recovering alcoholic, what she has neglected to mention is that she’s also a recovering chain cock-smoker.

Okay, I have to admit, these pictures, well, they may not be Kristin Davis; I’ve read–– that it’s a 50, 50.  (continue reading…)

If eating delicious garlic-laden Italian food gives you halitosis, I can only imagine what eating a rectum scrubbed dick must do to your breath.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that post-ass-to-mouth mouth is not going to be all gumdrops and peppermint; on the contrary, I’d wager it’ll smell like the babe in question just ate a shit shepherd’s pie with extra onions and corn.

Then again, what do I know?  I guess it all depends on how clean the colon in question happens to be.  The girl in the above clip from Heinies 4 looks like she keeps a tidy ship.  I’m sure her face would– (continue reading…)

It’s no secret that when a woman reaches a certain age—say late thirties, early forties—she undergoes a wondrous transformation; like a man becoming a werewolf, what civilization she may have had is quickly cast aside and the beast within is unapologetically unleashed.  She ceases being a soccer mom or a library technician or a checkout lady and is then a feral cock gobbler, a single-minded animal concerned only with balls and jizz and her own throbbing vagina.

I’ve seen it happen time and time again.  As seen in the above clip from Cougars Strike 3, what was once a sandwich making, grocery shopping, bedroom cleaning middle-aged woman is now and forevermore a young man stalking, cock devouring, cum gargling über skank.  Naturally, as irony– (continue reading…)

So there you are, having yet another argument with your top bud about who screws throat the best.  Naturally, you think you have the edge, having a slightly bigger cock with the added bonus of its entire length being particularly gifted with popped veins.  Your pal counters this argument citing technique, and to his credit, he’s got some moves.  There’s only one way to settle this disagreement: skull fuck-off.

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The above clip from Riveted Rectums is a perfect example of a quality skull fuck-off.  See the no-holds-bared pummeling of the oral cavity.  See the competitiveness, the feral fight to be number one.  Who will win, well, that’s hard– (continue reading…)

Now here’s a woman that enjoys taking a hard pull off a spunk-blunt.  Look at this wee blondie go.  And those eyes, so fucking intense: their look alone could make a man bust balls and order a second round of spluge from his already overtaxed testicles.  Yep, there’s no doubt about it, she’s got the eye of the cock smoking tiger!

This prime example of a blowjob gone great is taken from the oddly named DVD, Cherry Poppers 8: Homecumming; I don’t know about you, but to me, this babe works pole like– (continue reading…)

Here’s an example of one of those pictures which speak a thousand words; unfortunately in this image, nine hundred of those words are indecipherable because of the eight hard inch of cock snaked down her throat.  That being said, there are several phrases I think I can make out, the first one being: Can you give me minute?  Can’t you see I’m sucking a dick?!

There’s something wrong with this cigar

In my eyes, her expression seems to be one of exasperation, impatience, concern, surprise, and perhaps even reproach, as if she disapproves of our voyeuristic ways.  Whatever the case, I think it’s pretty– (continue reading…)

So you and your buddy pool your money together and get an escort.  In an ideal situation you’d each have your own, but hey, times are tough with the economy and all.  Good news, you so happen to be on the ball that day and call ANAL, leaving vaginal for your friend by rights.  The escort quickly puts the kibosh on your backdoor intentions, seeing that she’s getting the same pay for twice the work.  She’s calling the shots, and declares that she’ll blow the both of you, and for being cheap, it must be a concurrent double suck.

Here’s your options: send her back from whence she came and deal with your dry, disappointed, and somewhat surly cock; or, put your mixed feelings aside and accept her offer, knowing that your schlong will surely bash against penis bulkhead not– (continue reading…)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m as lazy as it comes, especially if my dick is out.  That being said, there comes a point where common sense and decency must override laziness.  So if she’s going through the trouble of blocking her windpipe with your dirty cock, be a sweetheart, drop your drawers.

Dude in the above clip from Snatch Shot 1: textbook bad form.  Of course, every rule has its exceptions.  Say you’re getting a quick BJ in some less than empty alleyway: in this situation it’s alright to keep your– (continue reading…)