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Tag: asshole

Cover your bases

by on Mar.25, 2010, under Adult Video Reviews

Don’t just make love, plough hole most heinously.  Ream that shit in, hard.  Have some other bitch harass your lay while you smash glorious nuts against tenderized clit.  Finger that asshole, not with your pinky, but with your whole goddamn torso.  And don’t forget to forget the lube.   That shit is for pussies, no pun intended.

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The above clip is taken from the film Ravenous and is an excellent example of coitus correctus.  Ideal sex involves at least three people, two of which are female.  Perfect love involves puckered rectums meeting puckered kissers.  Outstanding relations begin with doggie style and end in chaffed cock-head, purple pussy skin, and yawning sphincters.  Hey, them the rules.  I’m just the messenger.

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Do yawning assholes make you yawn?

by on Nov.24, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

I’m gonna be straight with you, I’m on the fence concerning gaping colons, being able to peer voyeuristically in the literal bowels of ass.  On one side, it’s kind of gross, far too visceral and medical for my liking; and on the other side, it’s dirty as hell, which my iron shod penis appreciates and admires.

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And I don’t care if that blinking crapper is douched five times a day, it’s still gonna be a stinker wide open like that.  But perhaps that’s the point, have this angelic asshole brought back to earth.  I guess the– (continue reading…)

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You gotta prep that ass

by on Sep.07, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Anal isn’t like oral, or even vaginal for that matter.  Butt stuffing involves a few extra steps, the two biggies being lube-up and warm-up.  Without a good amount of slick on that dick and some preparatory sphincter yoga, that bloated and throbbing cock-head isn’t going anywhere.

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Anal Extremes is an excellent example of the sodomy prerequisite. See how he gets one– (continue reading…)

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