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Tag: anal

I don’t think her asshole will ever be the same!

by on Jan.14, 2010, under Adult Video Reviews

That’s one big dick and that’s one tiny girl with her proportionately tiny asshole.  Yep, this blonde petite from All Star Call Girls 3 is gonna feel this in the morning.  Talk about a hard day at the office.  I wonder what’s she was thinking while this scene was being shot?  This fucking sucks!?  Or: Now I know what it feels like to be a kabob!?

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Man, what a pooper trooper (I think I just invented myself some urban slang–hehe, pooper trooper)… (continue reading…)

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Ass Eating 101

by on Dec.31, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

My way of thinking, if you’re going to eat some bitch’s ass, why be shy about it: get that mother fucking tongue way way up there; pretend that her bunghole is first pie on deck in a pie eating contest; break your nose on her gawd damn sphincter; make your tonsils miraculously touch rectum wall!  That’s how you eat an ass.

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The chick from the above clip from Young Harlots Le Chateau knows what’s going on.  See how she completely disregards all pretence of civilization and goes after that puckered heaven-hole like a Tasmanian devil jacked– (continue reading…)

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Ass to Mouth, more than a mouthful

by on Dec.18, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

If eating delicious garlic-laden Italian food gives you halitosis, I can only imagine what eating a rectum scrubbed dick must do to your breath.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that post-ass-to-mouth mouth is not going to be all gumdrops and peppermint; on the contrary, I’d wager it’ll smell like the babe in question just ate a shit shepherd’s pie with extra onions and corn.

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Then again, what do I know?  I guess it all depends on how clean the colon in question happens to be.  The girl in the above clip from Heinies 4 looks like she keeps a tidy ship.  I’m sure her face would– (continue reading…)

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It that what I think it is? Oh God! It is!

by on Dec.13, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

I like kink.  I do.  Fetishes are fucking awesome.  That being said, I’ve never looked at an enema bag and thought to myself I should throw that fucker into the mix.  Call me old fashion, call me tame, but what ever happened to leather chaps and whips and oversized dildos and hooker boots?

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Hey, I’m all for foreign objects up the pooper, but this particular application of that maxim has some very messy consequences that I simply don’t see enhancing the sexual experience.  I’m not going to spell it out– (continue reading…)

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Just an awesome title

by on Dec.10, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Without further ado, allow me to introduce the Texas Asshole Massacre, a no-holds-bared film about—you guessed it—sodomy most vicious and visceral, a veritable über fuck of anus annihilation, a cornucopia of conquered cornholes, and yes, a ghastly horror show of buggery most awesome.

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Man, I’d hate to be one of these girls the next day after filming a shot like this, having to explain to a bewildered proctologist why the circumference of their weeping asshole is now roughly the same as a softball.  Amazingly– (continue reading…)

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Another Assault on Scale: Anal Style!

by on Dec.04, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Here’s yet another example that a woman’s asshole is one-size-fits-all! For the past ten years I’ve been trying my best to convince my wife that this is the case.  Sadly, she doesn’t buy my story despite all of the evidence I bring to the dinner table.  Come on, if it’s anything that porn has taught me: there is no such thing as too tight of a fit!

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I know I’m not alone in this.  Millions of men are denied anal rights everyday; frankly, it’s one of the great tragedies of our time.  Clearly diminutive lady sphincters were made for über textured monster cocks.  Case in– (continue reading…)

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Is that your anus, or are you just happy to see me?

by on Dec.02, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Oh Blinky, you are as lovely as you are donut like, as inviting as you are shy, as mysterious as you are forbidden, as beloved as you are tight.  Sure, we adore your neighbor, the vagina, most passionately too, but it’s you we’re in love with.  Adorable female sphincter, will you marry me?

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When proposing to a rectum, I suppose it gives you the ring.  I can only imagine meeting the in-laws, their faces hidden, rectums exposed.  Talk about an already awkward situation made worse, but hey, it’s– (continue reading…)

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Skinny girls like anal too

by on Nov.27, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Defying peg and grove logic, some petite babes enjoy their monster cocks in their diminutive stinker.   Though counter-intuitive, it somehow works.  Sure, lube has a lot to do with it, as does warming and working-up to the big penetration, but my question still stands: where does all that fat dick go?

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And some of these schlong rectal thermometers are truly mammoth, both terrifying long and tremendously girthy, as seen above in Anal Perversions.  Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these sausages were a third– (continue reading…)

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The warm-up to anal, she’s important

by on Nov.26, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Given the go-ahead for anal, one’s instinct is to ream it in as fast as one can, before she has a chance to chicken out or change her mind.  This natural impulse is not entirely off base, but if one would like to repeat the experience, it’s best to warm-up that sphincter and rectum—for her sake, for your sake, and for the sake of all who dare to follow you down that certain highway.

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Watch this clip from Nut Busters 4.  This is the ideal prep-anal situation, having some third party hottie lube both the asshole in on bat and your cock; not only does it involve no work on your part, it’s fucking sublime, a near seamless– (continue reading…)

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Do yawning assholes make you yawn?

by on Nov.24, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

I’m gonna be straight with you, I’m on the fence concerning gaping colons, being able to peer voyeuristically in the literal bowels of ass.  On one side, it’s kind of gross, far too visceral and medical for my liking; and on the other side, it’s dirty as hell, which my iron shod penis appreciates and admires.

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And I don’t care if that blinking crapper is douched five times a day, it’s still gonna be a stinker wide open like that.  But perhaps that’s the point, have this angelic asshole brought back to earth.  I guess the– (continue reading…)

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