That’s one big dick and that’s one tiny girl with her proportionately tiny asshole.  Yep, this blonde petite from All Star Call Girls 3 is gonna feel this in the morning.  Talk about a hard day at the office.  I wonder what’s she was thinking while this scene was being shot?  This fucking sucks!?  Or: Now I know what it feels like to be a kabob!?

Man, what a pooper trooper (I think I just invented myself some urban slang–hehe, pooper trooper)… (continue reading…)

Yes sir, you better fucking believe Judo master Black Belt Jones be digging this shit!  Go girl, get that thang up in there.  Don’t be shy, there’s plenty of room in that there hole.  I know, I once buried a pair of nunchucks in this bitch’s ass; they never smelt the same again, but I tell you what, it was mother fucking worth it.

Proctology homework, it's the shits

That’s the beauty of the anus, son, that the shit goes back to the same size after all is said and stuck (or at– (continue reading…)

Black Belt Jones here, fresh from mother fucking rehab, and I gotta say, I feel like getting fucked up tonight.  BLAT BLAT!  Yeah, I had to go away for a while.  Fucking Vegas, boy did I ever get my Hunter S. Thompson on! Last thing I mother fucking remember is blowing my load all over the mother fucking strip.  Yep, those cowboys down there frown on that sort of shit.  But you live and learn, I suppose.  NOT!

The Ladies Man knows what I'm talking about

Now that I’m out of my forced dry spell, I needs to go on an epic PUSSY HUNT.  I just hope those desert whore houses are ready for me, got their skanks lined up in a row ‘cause I’m gonna unleash a flood of spunk unseen since– (continue reading…)

My way of thinking, if you’re going to eat some bitch’s ass, why be shy about it: get that mother fucking tongue way way up there; pretend that her bunghole is first pie on deck in a pie eating contest; break your nose on her gawd damn sphincter; make your tonsils miraculously touch rectum wall!  That’s how you eat an ass.

The chick from the above clip from Young Harlots Le Chateau knows what’s going on.  See how she completely disregards all pretence of civilization and goes after that puckered heaven-hole like a Tasmanian devil jacked– (continue reading…)

If eating delicious garlic-laden Italian food gives you halitosis, I can only imagine what eating a rectum scrubbed dick must do to your breath.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that post-ass-to-mouth mouth is not going to be all gumdrops and peppermint; on the contrary, I’d wager it’ll smell like the babe in question just ate a shit shepherd’s pie with extra onions and corn.

Then again, what do I know?  I guess it all depends on how clean the colon in question happens to be.  The girl in the above clip from Heinies 4 looks like she keeps a tidy ship.  I’m sure her face would– (continue reading…)

Black Belt Jones in the house, and I’m ‘er to talk to yous about the hungry bum, also known as the bottomless ass and the cornhole of many bites.  This most accommodating of female orifices is infamous for being the black hole of  fuckable cavities, and may very well be a gateway to another mother fucking dimension.  Straight up, a man can lose himself in one of these damn stinks, so don’t say you haven’t been warned.

How do I knows this, you may be axing yourself.  Well, I been trapped inside a hungry bum for the past month, floating around in the rectal ether as it were, my only comfort being that I died the way– (continue reading…)

I like kink.  I do.  Fetishes are fucking awesome.  That being said, I’ve never looked at an enema bag and thought to myself I should throw that fucker into the mix.  Call me old fashion, call me tame, but what ever happened to leather chaps and whips and oversized dildos and hooker boots?

Hey, I’m all for foreign objects up the pooper, but this particular application of that maxim has some very messy consequences that I simply don’t see enhancing the sexual experience.  I’m not going to spell it out– (continue reading…)

Without further ado, allow me to introduce the Texas Asshole Massacre, a no-holds-bared film about—you guessed it—sodomy most vicious and visceral, a veritable über fuck of anus annihilation, a cornucopia of conquered cornholes, and yes, a ghastly horror show of buggery most awesome.

Man, I’d hate to be one of these girls the next day after filming a shot like this, having to explain to a bewildered proctologist why the circumference of their weeping asshole is now roughly the same as a softball.  Amazingly– (continue reading…)

Here’s yet another example that a woman’s asshole is one-size-fits-all! For the past ten years I’ve been trying my best to convince my wife that this is the case.  Sadly, she doesn’t buy my story despite all of the evidence I bring to the dinner table.  Come on, if it’s anything that porn has taught me: there is no such thing as too tight of a fit!

I know I’m not alone in this.  Millions of men are denied anal rights everyday; frankly, it’s one of the great tragedies of our time.  Clearly diminutive lady sphincters were made for über textured monster cocks.  Case in– (continue reading…)

Oh Blinky, you are as lovely as you are donut like, as inviting as you are shy, as mysterious as you are forbidden, as beloved as you are tight.  Sure, we adore your neighbor, the vagina, most passionately too, but it’s you we’re in love with.  Adorable female sphincter, will you marry me?

When proposing to a rectum, I suppose it gives you the ring.  I can only imagine meeting the in-laws, their faces hidden, rectums exposed.  Talk about an already awkward situation made worse, but hey, it’s– (continue reading…)