Yes sir, you better fucking believe Judo master Black Belt Jones be digging this shit!  Go girl, get that thang up in there.  Don’t be shy, there’s plenty of room in that there hole.  I know, I once buried a pair of nunchucks in this bitch’s ass; they never smelt the same again, but I tell you what, it was mother fucking worth it.

Proctology homework, it's the shits

That’s the beauty of the anus, son, that the shit goes back to the same size after all is said and stuck (or at– (continue reading…)

You gotta appreciate this girl’s MacGyver how to.  Look at her go: piston-fired dildo working hole, industrial über vibrator working hood—damn her beautiful soul, the only thing that this cutie is missing is a rainbow forged electric butt plug and a pixie powered vacuum nipple puffer-out-er.

This should do it

Yep, she’s a mechanic’s dream girl, an android’s true love, and– (continue reading…)

Perhaps I’ve been working in porn for too long, maybe my meds aren’t as effective as they used to be, but when I hear or read the acronym “BFF” I immediately think of this: hot babes locked in a feral 69, labias and tongues lashing in a tasty head-in-arse embrace… and that’s the story I’m sticking with.

OMG, you smell like my old BFF

A friend will help a girl move, a best friend will help a girl move a body, a best friend forever will help a girl move her clitoris in wet orgasmic circles.  (continue reading…)

As you know, not all breasts are created equal; furthermore, not all breasts confront Father Time and gravity with the same tenacity, elasticity.  This is why, when comparing the virtues of different sets of tits, it’s best to make the assessment shortly after they become legal.  Pick ‘em while they’re fresh, my Uncle Fart always used to say.

We're here about intern job

So, now that we’ve established the obvious, let us take a hard look at the above foursome.  Personally, I generally agree with the maxim: the bigger, the better.  That being said, a smallish pair has its advantages (or so I’m told).  I want– (continue reading…)

Innocence, ‘tis a lovely thing; alas, it is not as fine as plundering pristine pink with the Lucifer’s long and tireless cock.  Metaphorically speaking (I hope), there’s some of the Dark Lord’s penis in all of us, and from what I understand, it only makes its presence known when a dirty dick is balls deep in Seraphim snatch.

Plough my holy holes

I have it on good authority that the Devil’s loins are breathtaking to behold and terrible to turn your back to… but that it neither here nor there.  I guess Mondays bring out the blasphemous heretic in me.  Anywho, the above chick looks– (continue reading…)

Okay, granted, that’s not a deep fried hotdog up this babe’s ultra pink pussy, but it sure looks like one, and while we’re on the subject of food-in-sex/food-in-her, if you had to choose an eatable object to make romance to a vagina with, what would that food be?  And let’s be reasonable here, no watermelons or pumpkins (though feel free to nominate other gourds).

This should warm it up

In my opinion, nothing beats the classics: cucumbers, carrots, and assorted sausages.  These are the staples of a well balanced vaginal diet.  Other notable entries, excuse the pun, would have to– (continue reading…)

Here’s an example of one of those pictures which speak a thousand words; unfortunately in this image, nine hundred of those words are indecipherable because of the eight hard inch of cock snaked down her throat.  That being said, there are several phrases I think I can make out, the first one being: Can you give me minute?  Can’t you see I’m sucking a dick?!

There’s something wrong with this cigar

In my eyes, her expression seems to be one of exasperation, impatience, concern, surprise, and perhaps even reproach, as if she disapproves of our voyeuristic ways.  Whatever the case, I think it’s pretty– (continue reading…)

Her asshole is worked in and ready, winking at you with its cyclopean peek hole.  She pulls her cheeks apart and gives you the thumbs up.  You re-slick your stick.  Steady now.  One wrong calculation and you could quickly end up in boring pink and she could call off the whole experiment.  The pressure is on.

Hey Honey, this might smart a little

Fire in the hole!  You commit, thrusting your throbbing manhood balls deep in blissful rump.  Damn, that’s a tight fit.  She clenches twice to let you know that the rest of her is still there.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think– (continue reading…)

If you can’t service yourself with inanimate objects nearby, even the ones with a face, you’re got problems.  Even with a pet in the room—a leering cat, a watchful mutt—for all intended purposes you’re still alone, and there’s absolutely no need to censor your genital bombardment.

Look at how shocked his eyebrows are!

Hell, even if you share a room, as long as there’s no direct eye contact, and the swooshing of the sheets is kept to a minimum, I say go for it, you’re good.  Okay, even if there is direct eye contact with– (continue reading…)

So, you’ve become a lazy lover.  Hey man, it happens.  Hitting the same poon day in, day out, for years, can have that effect.  But I bet you can you still remember the days when you use to hit that pussy like a caveman on fire, like a coked-up Fred Astaire, like an anthropomorphic Viagra pill taking Viagra?  Yeah, those files haven’t been deleted.

What's the hold-up back there? Cum already!

Worry not, your less than enthusiastic soul.  You can relight that fire, those extinguished loins.  Step one:  Drugs.  This one’s a no-brainer.  Go to your doctor, get a script, and eat that shit for breakfast, lunch,– (continue reading…)