Yup, Scarlett Johansson has finally released her glorious sweater puppies for the world to see! The rumors of the leaked hacked cell phone pictures appear to be true, if they are fake well I sure hope we see this ScarJo body double in an Avengers XXX Parody (or even an Iron Man XXX Parody!).

As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words… So here’s two of the sultry actress (you owe me 2 thousand words!).

Scarlett Johansson Tits

Scarlett Johansson Ass

Charlie Sheen, the embattled Two and 1/2 Men star is all ablaze in the media.  He is striking back at his producers to get the show back in the studio and finish out the final four episodes of the season.  Through it all, he’s said some pretty crazy things like having “Tigers blood and Adonis DNA”.  This guy is a total pisser and I love it!

I can’t imagine who can really complain about his lifestyle?  The dude is living with and fucking the ultra-hot Bree Olsen!  All I can say is that his new slogan truly shows that Charlie Sheen is indeed “Winning”.

Thorough all this Charlie Sheen has been one of the most truthful celebrities talking about his life.  Most other celebs that have confessed some of their troubles have all been carefully written and analyzed by their PR experts to ensure nothing they do not want said is revealed.  Well Charlie is talking all off the cuff and I welcome the realness of his statements.

While we do not have a Charlie Sheen Sex Tape, here’s a quick clip of Bree Olsen getting fucked in the ass.  Yes my friends, Charlie is indeed ‘Winning’.

So earlier this week it was reported that Two and 1/2 Men star Charlie Sheen had police show up to his hotel room in New York after a call was .  It was reported that actor Charlie Sheen was creating a ruckous, throwing things around his room, and that the hooker he had with him locked herself in the bathroom and called for help.

Well it turns out that the hooker in the bathroom was Pornstar Capri Anderson.  And here at Adult Rental we have some of her porn videos she has starred in.

Seeing Capri Anderson ride this strap-on in Strap-On Sally 25, makes you wonder if she rode Charlie Sheen that hard!  This story is blowing up this weekend and as of yet, Capri has not made any statements or conducted any interviews.

Is it me, or is John Lennon one mushroom cap short of a cock.   And Yoko, come on, grow that hair another foot longer to cover up those most shapeless of boobs; keep the bush, hide the National Enquirer mountain lady tits.

Not as nice as his song writing

The above being said, this is perhaps the best celebrity photograph I’ve ever seen.  You don’t see many living legends today pose for a picture with a semi and no cock bulb and gross pancake udders.   Hats off to you, Mr. Lennon, for having balls, squashed in-between your legs as they may be here.  Hats off to you, Yoko, for also having balls, most likely tucked back, up your ass, cleverly hidden from sight. (Tranny?)

You’d figure with all the protein in there, a bellyful of spunk would be a good lean-muscle builder.  Apparently, it’s not.  Apparently, it a calorie a tadpole.  Just check out Brittney here.  I think she’s swallowed one too many times.  All kidding aside, Photoshop, you never cease to impress me.

Yeah, I’d still hit it!

Yep, this could be Brittney in twenty years if she keeps pounding back those Martinis and cum-filled schlongs–not that a little weight wouldn’t look good on the girl!  Hell, I think most women could use an extra twenty lbs in the truck and on the chest.  To quoth the immortal Sir Mix A Lot, “Make ‘em Round.”  My good friends, that where I stand.  Take yours!

Masturbation, the Fountain of Youth?  If Chuck does it, then yes.  If the internet has taught me anything, it has taught me to do as Chuck does.  Fuck, look at the guy!  He’s 70 years old and he’s still a long boat full of Vikings, an aircraft carrier of ninja commandos, a walking and shitting grenade blast with six-pack abs.

Pre or post masturbation smoke: you decide

He fought Bruce Lee, he fought giants, he fought communism, he fought terrorists before terrorism was all the vogue, and in his spare time he cleaned up the wild West with nothing but a man’s beard, a pair of denims, and spinning kicks.  So believe me when I tell you, if Chuck chokes the chicken, that’s one dead mother fucking bird.

Alyson Hannigan, there’s something about her that screams COCK-A-HOLIC! No doubt about it.  Yes, this has a lot to do with American Pie, her sudden transformation from geek to gasher, but come on—even if she was a nobody and you saw her on the street, you’d say to your buddy: “hey, dicker licker at 12 o’clock.”

I think this is due to the bright enthusiasm in her eyes and her Goldilocks looks: not too hot, not too cold, she’s just right.  And you know she does anal, demands it in fact.  Anal with her morning toast, anal on her 15 minute break, anal while waiting– (continue reading…)

Her music is as uninspired as British cuisine, and she is a diva that us poor folk have every right to eat, but god damnit—that’s a proper rack! Okay, the below picture may have been altered in some small ways, but it’s an accurate approximation of what her titties may look like… and that’s the story I’m sticking with.

Who’s up for a game of Prison Bitch!

I’m not going to lie to you: I think Mariah, and divas like her, should all be packed into a rocket ship and blasted into the sun.  That being said, I’d still get my dick wet in one or all three of their lovable holes.  I know, I know: it’s a classic conflict of interest.  But– (continue reading…)

Kristin Davis, known for her roll as Charlotte York in Sex in the City, apparently made some poor decisions in her pre-fame years.  She has openly admitted that she’s a recovering alcoholic, what she has neglected to mention is that she’s also a recovering chain cock-smoker.

Okay, I have to admit, these pictures, well, they may not be Kristin Davis; I’ve read–– that it’s a 50, 50.  (continue reading…)

Okay, granted, you and Shia are part of Hollywood’s sinister conspiracy to systematically ruin my generation’s cherished childhood memories.  And yes, you can’t act worth a damn.  But I’m willing to overlook these glaring faults in light of your boobs and ass and that bitch nose.

What's, like, over there?

Yeah, you can tell she’s a total cunt, that behind her flirty smile is a venomous nag about to break your balls over nothing.  I called this truism the first time I saw her face.  I said to myself, “Now here’s an evil twat who gonna fool the entire world into believing she’s Betty from next door.”  And my predication– (continue reading…)