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Got tools, hard cock—keep reading!

by davycockett on Apr.20, 2010, under Fuck-toids

All men are born with a pair of very apt masturbatory tools: they are called hands.  Sure, we use these instruments of cock-caress for other purposes too–building civilizations, opening pickle jars, operating machine guns—but god mostly intended them for two things: scratching balls and jerking shaft.

40101The above being said, all men enjoy variety, especially when it comes to busting nuts.  And yes, sometimes Palm-ala just won’t cut it.  That’s why one must MacGyver it when Mr. Thick Dick so demands.  Women go for the vegetable crisper in these situations; we men head to the garage.  I’m not–– suggesting you build a faux-vagina out of shit leftover from building the deck.  All I want to say here is proceed with caution.  The problem with making a perfect machine, you’ll never use anything else, ever again.

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