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Archive for March, 2010

Cover your bases

by on Mar.25, 2010, under Adult Video Reviews

Don’t just make love, plough hole most heinously.  Ream that shit in, hard.  Have some other bitch harass your lay while you smash glorious nuts against tenderized clit.  Finger that asshole, not with your pinky, but with your whole goddamn torso.  And don’t forget to forget the lube.   That shit is for pussies, no pun intended.

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The above clip is taken from the film Ravenous and is an excellent example of coitus correctus.  Ideal sex involves at least three people, two of which are female.  Perfect love involves puckered rectums meeting puckered kissers.  Outstanding relations begin with doggie style and end in chaffed cock-head, purple pussy skin, and yawning sphincters.  Hey, them the rules.  I’m just the messenger.

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Blowjobs, unaffected by US banking crisis

by on Mar.16, 2010, under Adult Video Reviews

Despite the troubled times in the American financial system, the number of dicks being sucked remains quite static.  The duration and quality of blowjobs national wide are also unchanged by Wall Streets near collapse in 2008.  Analysts believe that the link between money and oral sex will have to be rethought.

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As seen in the about clip from Vegas Cum Shots Vol Eight, head seems to be more or less the same head of ten, twenty, even thirty years ago.  Sure, some minor things have changed, such as amount of hair and– (continue reading…)

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Singin’ in the Rain is so 1952

by on Mar.09, 2010, under Adult Video Reviews

Drop that umbrella, take off that raincoat, put away that hat: it’s time to get your dick wet, really really wet.  Take it from me, a man who likes fucking in hurricanes, nothing beats having your cock smoked by a sultry babe in story weather.  So remember, when it’s raining cats and dogs outside, don’t go inside; rather, unleash that schlong of yours and let it have a big sloppy sip.  It’s all good, my friend.

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The above clip is taken from the appropriately named movie Cum Suckers.  You won’t find any metaphors in that title.  What you read is what you get: a couple of hours of the hardiest blows this side of heaven.   We have– (continue reading…)

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Smoked Beaver Pie

by on Mar.03, 2010, under Adult Video Reviews

The below clip is taken from the original Deep Throat, which is perhaps the most famous porno film of all time—not to mention the most profitable (adjusted for inflation, it has grossed over 600 MILLION dollars).   And you know what, this shit is still awesome: funny, strange, kinky, and yes, good for a hard crank.

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Straight up, Linda Lovelace–not shown above–was a fucking sweetheart, sweet and cute and dirty and had no bottom to her mouth.  What she did with a foot long cock is still a high water mark for extreme blowjobs; in fact, I don’t think I’ve seen her equal, which is saying a lot seeing that I watch dozens of BJs everyday…  I need help. I need an another set of balls.

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