A guild to topless beaches for North Americans
by davycockett on Dec.08, 2009, under Fuck-toids
As a whole, we New Worlders are pretty uptight about nudity, no doubt a hangover from our Puritan past; consequently, it is no great wonder why we don’t know how to handle ourselves abroad when suddenly confronted with public nudity, specifically when we are at those European beaches where anything goes.
Why do I suddenly want a large glass of milk?
Here’re a few simple rules to follow:
1. Look, but do not touch.
2. Look, but do not get caught looking.
3. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
4. Try your best to remain flaccid, and if you so happen to pop a boner, go for a swim. Hopefully the water will be cold.
5. Do not masturbate standing above sleeping sunbathers; they frown at that shit.
6. If you must bust a nut, do so in the water, and be fucking sly about it.
7. If you cannot do one or any of the above, be drunk. It’ll help numb the beatdown.
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