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Archive for December, 2009

Ass Eating 101

by on Dec.31, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

My way of thinking, if you’re going to eat some bitch’s ass, why be shy about it: get that mother fucking tongue way way up there; pretend that her bunghole is first pie on deck in a pie eating contest; break your nose on her gawd damn sphincter; make your tonsils miraculously touch rectum wall!  That’s how you eat an ass.

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The chick from the above clip from Young Harlots Le Chateau knows what’s going on.  See how she completely disregards all pretence of civilization and goes after that puckered heaven-hole like a Tasmanian devil jacked– (continue reading…)

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Lesbian Seductions: A Masturbatory Feast!

by on Dec.30, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

A Milf lesbo initiating a barely legal Betty into the fold is nothing less than the finest pussy poetry ever etched into the masturbatory annals.  The old/young combination really adds another dimension to the usual debauchery.  In one corner we have youthful enthusiasm and firmness, and in the other corner we have experience and big floppy boobies—it’s a match made in vulva smashing Valhalla.  Lesbian Seductions 8: well played, well played.

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In this clip we get an exemplary dose of the goods.  Unlike the vast majority of the lesbian content out there, which is– (continue reading…)

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This year, Santa, I wanna bang Mrs. Claus

by on Dec.24, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Happy Holidays, folks!  What a great day Christmas eve is: the turkey is cooking in the oven, presents are waiting under the tree, your glass is topped-off the moment you take the slightest sip, and it looks like your no-good Uncle has passed out early, which is great news ‘cause his old-ass wife is a real cocking sucking slut and you’re about to get a slice.

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Nothing says Merry Ho Ho like banging the shit out of some mature babe in heat.  Forget about the egg-nog, pump her full of man-nog, and sit back and watch the Christmas cheer ooze down her legs in lovely gobs of goo.  Then– (continue reading…)

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POV porn: as if porn directors didn’t get enough pussy already

by on Dec.22, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Come on!  As if you wouldn’t smash mad snatch if you were in a position of power in the porn industry.  That’s all those dudes do.  Why do you think they get into the business in the first place: to snake their cocks down eager cash-strapped hottie hole.  It’s not prostitution; it’s making movies.  So next time you approach a hooker, don’t say you’ll pay her for sex, ask if she’d like to model in your POV porno; and if she’s an undercover cop, you’re in the clear (I think).

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Anywho, check out this clip from Barely Legal POV 4.  Now that’s a happy rump.  Best casting call ever!  Ah, what a beautiful age: she just turned old enough to fuck on film and she’s taking to it with all her youthful enthusiasm– (continue reading…)

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Your buddy’s mom: part 2

by on Dec.21, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

You’re not proud of the fact that you bang your buddy’s mom ever fucking chance you get, that you pump her so full of spunk that when she walks she leaks cream like a Boston cream donut slowly being crushed in a vice.  You simply can’t help yourself; her tits were made for fucking and that just what you’ll do.

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As we can clearly see in the above clip from Hooter World, milfs do the boner good.  Sure, they might have a few rough corners, a wrinkle here, a polyp there, but on the whole you can’t go wrong with these seasoned– (continue reading…)

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Back in the days when people got dressed up for a gangbang

by on Dec.20, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Boy, times sure have changed.  Today when people get together for a gangbang, they show up wearing little more than jeans and a T-shirt.  Where’s the decorum in that, the sexiness, the class, the sense of occasion?  Even in the eighties, the most tawdry of decades, folks had the good judgment to fix themselves up for an orgy.  Sadly, we’ve lost that.

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Just look at the outfits in the above clip from Golden Age of Porn: Candy Samples: these individuals were the best of both worlds—wild and civilized, feral and domesticated, and as any– (continue reading…)

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Porn: simplicity in a complicated world

by on Dec.19, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

There’s no way around it, modern life is intricate and complex.  First you gotta worry about getting laid, then paying your bills, your health, some mad fucking nut-job with his finger on the doomsday button.  It’s a shit-show, no doubt about it, but at least in the eye of this hurricane of crap, there is peace—its name is porn and yes, it is an oasis.

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I don’t know about you, but when I’m milking voluminous nuts to an über naughty video I’m not thinking about the stormy weather, my bitching girlfriend, that pile of dirty laundry I have to do—no, I’m thinking– (continue reading…)

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Ass to Mouth, more than a mouthful

by on Dec.18, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

If eating delicious garlic-laden Italian food gives you halitosis, I can only imagine what eating a rectum scrubbed dick must do to your breath.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that post-ass-to-mouth mouth is not going to be all gumdrops and peppermint; on the contrary, I’d wager it’ll smell like the babe in question just ate a shit shepherd’s pie with extra onions and corn.

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Then again, what do I know?  I guess it all depends on how clean the colon in question happens to be.  The girl in the above clip from Heinies 4 looks like she keeps a tidy ship.  I’m sure her face would– (continue reading…)

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The Cry of the Cougar in Heat

by on Dec.17, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

It’s no secret that when a woman reaches a certain age—say late thirties, early forties—she undergoes a wondrous transformation; like a man becoming a werewolf, what civilization she may have had is quickly cast aside and the beast within is unapologetically unleashed.  She ceases being a soccer mom or a library technician or a checkout lady and is then a feral cock gobbler, a single-minded animal concerned only with balls and jizz and her own throbbing vagina.

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I’ve seen it happen time and time again.  As seen in the above clip from Cougars Strike 3, what was once a sandwich making, grocery shopping, bedroom cleaning middle-aged woman is now and forevermore a young man stalking, cock devouring, cum gargling über skank.  Naturally, as irony– (continue reading…)

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Santa Spunks

by on Dec.16, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Santa may be the patron saint of new toys, electronics, and socks, but that’s his night job and a seasonal one at that; the rest of the time he’s the patron saint of busting merry nuts to Christmas themed porn.  Just ask anyone of the big guy’s overtaxed underlings, Mr. Claus milks his balls much in the same fashion he produces billions of gifts: with the aid of tireless elves.

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It’s true, on top of cobbling countless presents, Santa’s labor force of diminutive slaves must, in turn, jerk-off their tyrannical lord, old balls and dick cheese be damned, often times taking ghastly facials in process, the– (continue reading…)

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