They don’t call envy the green monster for nothing.  A beast it truly is, and green, like the Hulk, smashing through shirts and buildings alike.  Envy will tear a man up inside until there’s nothing left but hate, depression, and ultimately, despair.  That’s why when you come across something you want—that you want so fucking bad—that somebody else has, just let it go.  Holding on to that shit, well, it’ll kill ya.

Don’t worry, his third Genie wish will definitely backfire

The above being said, freeing that seed of envy from your pith isn’t as easy as it sounds.  I find that the best way to cope with this shit is to drink copious amounts of alcohol.  Be a booze hound  the– (continue reading…)

We’ve all been there, eyeballing her puckered asshole, wondering if you may, if you might, just dump it in and let love sort out the ins and outs of it.  I’ve been tempted myself, oh boy, have I ever.  But, as a rule, one must ask before he sticks.  Sure, requesting to ream your dick into her bungus has gotta be one of the most awkward questions out there, but trust me, fellas, it’s worth the roll of the dice.

Yeah, you might get rejected, hell, odds are you will, but just imagine for a second if she says, “Go ahead, fucking full steam ahead—CHOO CHOO!”  Well then, off to the colonic races you go.  I believe the– (continue reading…)