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Archive for October, 2009

Shake that ass, Blondie

by on Oct.31, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Yes sir, dis is what BB Jones be all ‘bout! Oh fuck, me be busting nuts just peeking at that bubble bounce. I best be slowing down the stroke before I spend my seed all over my nice new keyboard (you mother fuckers don’t want to know how many I go through in a year. Damnit son, I must have super glue for spunk).

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Dis ‘ere clip be taken from none other than Gluteus Maximass, the movie.  Fuck, the only ding I like more than a big round thing in my face is when that rump be belongin’ to a– (continue reading…)

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At least it’s realistic

by on Oct.30, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

The thing I love about Anime/Hentai is that it is so god damn realistic.  Just look at this little Philly riding the cream-rod carousel, with her 24 inch waist and her 50 inch perfectly perky chest, eyes beaming like a pair of halogen car lights.  I knew a girl like this one in college, and then I woke up, drenched in spunk from the wet dream that I could have sworn was real.

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This chip is taken from Boin Lecture 2, a film concerned with two things and two things only: reaming elfin poon and toggling sand dollar sized nipples.  Unlike in most Japanese– (continue reading…)

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Hydrate your nuts with disgustingly wet blowjobs

by on Oct.29, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

The clip below from Big Wet Tits 2 exemplifies wet head!  Just look at it, look at how obscenely fucking drenched dude’s cock and balls are, behold their awesome sogginess, their slick countenance.  It may look a tad gross, with its slimy webs and its mirror like glaze, but you know that’s gotta feel like a million bucks.

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I think what’s going on here is that buddy’s schlong has been lubed by many sources, mainly spittle, oil, and pre-cum, and perhaps some leftover bacon grease (and she’s no vegetarian).  Whatever the– (continue reading…)

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It’s time for a divorce when…

by on Oct.28, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

…you find your wife being gangbanged by a room full of hairy creeps, as seen here in this clip from Sodomania… and then some!!! Or is it?  Sure, your initial response would be to hit the road, but hold on there, fella.  Think about that for a second; specifically, think about the mad pussy you’d get as a swinger.  She would owe it to you to get you laid.   And those sex clubs, you can’t get into those places without a loose lady on your arm.

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Hell, she could be your own personal pimp, setting you up with a harem of horny babes as if you were a fucking Sultan.  Plus, you still have a wife for, you know, wife things like family– (continue reading…)

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What a waste of a suck

by on Oct.27, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about the futility, the abject stupidity, of sucking off a fucking piece of plastic, but I feel that I need to reiterate myself, especially when suddenly confronted with a clip like this one where an otherwise AWE-INSPIRING blowjob is wasted on a gawd dawn doorstop.

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The above scene is taken from The Asylum, a particularly fantastic movie featuring Bondage, S&M, and everything fetish; it just a shame that the players within had to have a run-in with– (continue reading…)

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Snatch Adams… need I say more

by on Oct.26, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

I enjoy a good laugh almost as much as I enjoy busting fat nuts on females.  Luckily, these interests often cross paths when I cruise for fine porn to put on while I’m getting-it-on.  It’s all about those zany titles and themes.  Sure, they often have very little to do with the content within, but I like to look at it as added value: one free joke with every DVD.

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I had a hearty chuckle over the above movie’s moniker: Snatch Adams.  So the film has practically nothing to do with doctors who have– (continue reading…)

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Teen Ass: 99 out of 100 Bob Barkers approve

by on Oct.25, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

After seeing this chip, you may want to spay or neuter yourself to spare yourself from a lifetime of desire and disappointment.  FUCK, look at this little lassie work her junk! Shit this perfect should be a crime against humanity, seeing that now that I’ve seen flawlessness, there no way of unseeing it.

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I guess I’m just going to have to get used to walk around with this iron-bodied cock, 24/7.  Man, what I would give to play a little jizz Plinko on that top shelf rump.  Yep, she’s– (continue reading…)

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The DP Dilemma

by on Oct.24, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

These days I can’t go for more than six hours without delving, dick-in-hand, into the seedy reality which is popularly known as the Double Penetration multiverse.  What can I say, I’m hooked on the shit.  And can you blame me; this action is arguably the hardest fare that porn has to offer, as is clearly seen here in Slam It Even Harder.

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Here’s the strange thing: I personally wouldn’t have the maturity to be a third of one of these glorious happenings.  Simply put, I’d be too weirded-out by my balls slapping against another spanking pair, despite my cock’s inner she-bum glory.  Thrown into one of these situations, I’m 99% sure I wouldn’t be able to maintain a boner, let alone drill out the holes of some comely cum-hound.  Yet, here I am, ‘bout to bust nova-nuts to the very thing I wouldn’t be able to hack.  A contradiction, I remain.

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I’m paying you to paint my house–NOT THAT!

by on Oct.23, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

So you’re doing some home renovations, knocking down a few walls, moving some shit around, adding some crap, removing some crap; it’s the wife’s way of keeping you busy and out of trouble.  Most of stuff you don’ t mind doing, except for painting—painting sucks!  No worries, a friend of yours is a contractor and will hook you up with some helpers.  It’s Saturday: you go out to pick up some supplies and…

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You get back early, and guess what, that handsome couple you left working away an hour ago are now up to their innards in sex most excellent.  Here are your options: 1. you– (continue reading…)

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Pregnant teens need hard dickings too

by on Oct.22, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

She’s knocked-up, and good news—it ain’t yours!  And she’s horny.  So, what do you do?  A: Get-the-hell-out-of-there, fearing that the baby father might bust down the door any second and give you a-brainin’.  B: Fuck her in the bum, being concerned that your extra-long dick might induce labor.  Or C: Probe, plow, and creampie ever god damn hole in sight (like this fella here in the below sample).  It’s not like you’re going to get her pregnant.

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If you answered A, a word to the wise: no guts, no glory.  If you answered B, your using your head, I like that, but I’m afraid you’re not terribly bright.  Now, if you– (continue reading…)

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