Men have a uniform: it’s called the suit.  At some point in history, we were denied the myriad of choices that women have when it comes to formal wear.  We can choose color and cut, and tie of course, but that’s about it.  The ladies, on the other hand, can pretty much wear any blasted thing they want, as long as some European dude somewhere, at some point, has deeded it fashionable.  This being said, if were up to me, females would have a standard uniform just like us males.  And yes, it would definitely involve a kilt and pigtails, like this girl here from Dirty Goddess Volume 4, Part 2.

Private and catholic schools seem to be on the same page here as me, most enforcing strict guidelines on the matter.  Would it really be that hard to expand– (continue reading…)

Ladies, you walk into a room and find a faux leather comforter hiding a crummy, no doubt jizz stained bed, you run, you don’t take your clothes off and proceed to suck off the dude who’s been throwing around money all night, you get-the-hell-out-of-there.  If the bedspread wasn’t worse enough, take a gander at those pillows.  What, did he make them himself?

Psycho Killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est?

I’ve seen some pretty lame home décor in my time, but buddy’s bedroom here takes the fucking cake, slaughters it, and then– (continue reading…)

No one likes someone who’s spoiled rotten, like this dude here who’s having his entire package lovingly worked by a threesome of smokin’ barely legals.  It’s just not fucking fair.  Why should this one fella get to hog all of that hottie attention?  Well, it might have something to do with that mansion he’s in.  It might also have to do with the fact that there is no god.

Seriously now, tell me what I need to do for one of these über sucks?  I’ll do it.  Free climb the Empire State Building, done!  Run a marathon while drinking my weight in hot sauce, no problem.  Name the deed, and I’m there.  I mean it.  NAME IT!  Anything for an 18 & Eager cluster blow—anything!

Now that the weekend is upon us, I can’t help thinking about the million beer I’m gonna smash the moment I make my thirsty egress from this shadowy place, which is also known as an office building.  Yep, I’m gonna have me some suds… like this guy, which just goes to show that beer is the common denominator shared between all men, even a dude like this, walking around with his chicken-skin hanging out.

Mom, dad, meet my new boyfriend, Hubert

But enough about beer, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH POWDER?  Is this some gothic concert, or undead gathering?  It doesn’t really look like a fetish party—there’d be whips and apparatus at a fetish party, and they usually take– (continue reading…)

Have you ever said this to yourself?  Come on, sure you have.  Look how fucking baller it would be to a well-holed girlie in a lesbian gangbang.  All you’d have to do to find yourself in this best-possible-situation is show up a lesbo bar and holler: who’s in?  The next thing you’d know, you’d be wrist deep in sweet lady love.

Seriously now, if you had one sexual wish, wouldn’t you want to be one of these ladies in T&A Chicks 10th Anniversary, getting your hood serviced by a legion of clit happy muff divers.  Personally, I’ve been asking Santa for this for years now, and I think I’m out of options.  Woe is me.

You ever get the feeling that you’re slowly being replaced?  Here’s a pic that isn’t gonna help that insecurity.  How the fuck am I gonna compete against a rubberized stainless steel fucking machine; the gawd damnit that thing can plow ‘gina , 300 beats a minute, and doesn’t need a breather when it’s feeling a little worn out.

Haste la vista, vagina

Well, not to worry, my fellow mammals.  We’ve got at least another sixty years before this– (continue reading…)

Yes, I’ve done it.  Luckily only no one was there to witness my glorious tumble.  Dick in hand, pants at ankles, it wasn’t one of my proudest moments… but then again, maybe it was.  If you’re gonna do something, you may as well go balls to the wall, or to the linoleum, as was the case when I took my spanky spill.

This foxy Milf from ATK Natural & Hairy 4 knows what I’m talking about.  You gotta put your backbone in it: get freaky, the blood rushing to your head be damned.  As in sex, you gotta– (continue reading…)

You gotta respect the British sense of humor.  Sure, it may at times be incomprehensible, drier than a witch’s twat, but every now and then they hit hilarity on the head with madcap consequence.  Case in point, professor from the University of Buckingham stated in a “tongue-in-check” article that “Curvy Students” are a “perk of the job.”

I state the obvious

No shit, Sherlock.  The odd thing about this declaration is that buddy felt that he had to write an entire paper about his “look, enjoy, but do not touch,” philosophy regarding this common fucking sense issue—and publish the darn thing!

Sure, in his thesis, he warns academics not to– (continue reading…)

Here’s a brief roll call of some of favorite starlets, guaranteed good times in any masturbatory smack down.

Lexi Belle:  She has gotta be one of the cutest little blondes I’ve ever seen snake 12 inches of romance to Tracha-Town.  A true Southern beauty, Louisiana’s own Lexi has quickly risen through dirty-dom’s ranks to become one of today’s hottest barely legal commodities.  Discovered soon after she turned 18, this 5 foot 3, 105 lb cutie was quickly whisked-off to LA and immediately put to work.  With no “formal” training, Lexi took to banging-on-film with practically preternatural skill.

Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal

It is hard to believe that her big break is entirely owed to MySpace.  Pre-porn Lexi threw up a post on her page about having sex with– (continue reading…)

10.  Be relatively normal.  If you’ve been known to tool around town on a dirty bike, eating beans, broadcasting your flatulence with a traffic pylon stuck up your ass, odds are you’re going to have a hard time making romantic connections.

Women love a good sense of humor, but keep it clean

9.  Be mindful of your hair.  Okay, seems straightforward enough.  Not really.  How often do you trim ‘em ear hair or those dangly nose hairs for that matter.  There’s nothing more unattractive then a bundle of hard bristles breaking out of their nostril prison.  Cut them or pluck them! (continue reading…)