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Archive for August, 2009

The Porn Montage, like electrified cocaine

by on Aug.31, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Nothing quite measures up, in potency and vigor, to a hardcore smut video medley, and mark my words, this is the future of porn.  With attention spans becoming shorter and shorter, soon no one will have the patience or time to watch five minute blowjobs or ten minutes of reverse cowgirl action?  A few choice seconds of each act of fuckery and a B-line to the cumshot is all one really needs, and economy is the name of the game when jerking-on-the-go.

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The face of masturbation is changing.  With smart phones and mobile porn, people won’t merely be tossing in the comforts of their bedrooms or offices, but– (continue reading…)

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Why curious girls get yeast infections…

by on Aug.30, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

…because some things just don’t belong buried in a cunt.  Case in point, Lollipop Lesbians: Disk 1.  From my understanding, refined sugar in a vagina is a big no no.  Boy, is this girl gonna be bashful explaining to her gynecologist why her pussy is so sick yet so delicious tasting.

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I say leave food for the mouth and dick, and an assortment of non-food found items, for the snatch.  You’re not gonna get bacterial issues from a pool cue or from a bundle of drumsticks (assuming that they’re clean, of course).  Fuck, call me– (continue reading…)

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Mature British Mothers, insatiable cock succubae?

by on Aug.29, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Folk wisdom 101: nothing is what it seems.  Always watch out for the little guy in a brawl, he’s the vicious one; always pick a good girl over a bad girl for a BJ, ‘cause frankly she’ll always want it more; and finally, never underestimate the depravity of the conservative, they will fuck you and have horse you rode in on (if it must be, hopefully it happens in that order).

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Be my guest and take a hard look at this spectacled mother of many working happy inches of bloke dinky.  What she lacks in contact lenses she more than– (continue reading…)

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Teen Lesbians: prettier than a bag of booze, a case of sunsets

by on Aug.28, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Flawless skin, glowing doe eyes, pinkness that doesn’t lick off, teen lesbians are where it’s mother fucking at.  Look at these two in Her First Lesbian Experience 6; they are nearly GODS.  BB Jones has seen some of dis action in his daze, for reals.  At this party in the Bronx I did witness a clam-on-clam scissor kick of epic proportions; these two freshly legal thangs trying use each other’s legs to rub their hoods off as if their pussies be on fire.

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Yeah son, I saw it go down and I jizzed in my pants, told these two fools beside me what I had just done and they wrote a mother fucking song about it.  How about that!  Those mother– (continue reading…)

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Hey, my cats do the same thing!

by on Aug.27, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

…well, sort of.  They clean each other in the living room, on the couch, not in some dank dungeon (moved out of the dungeon last year), and as a rule, they do their grooming at night for privacy, free of voyeuristic creepy dudes in hooded cloaks, unless you count Halloween time, in which case, they are surrounded by creepy dudes in hooded cloaks, myself included.

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This clip is from the film Underworld, which is a 4 scene collection of “dark and dialogue-free sex vignettes.”  Spot on!  Who needs talking when there’re assholes to eat and– (continue reading…)

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Studio Spotlight: Alpha France Corp

by on Aug.26, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

If retro, golden age smut is your cock’s delight, look no further, this is the diamond dick standard in vintage crank.  The vast majority of Alpha France Corp films were made in the early 70s, shot on actual 35mm film, and were publicly released in French movie theaters, but don’t let that mislead you, these flicks are ball busting hardcore fare; there just happens to be some talking and plot between the highly stylized cinematic fuck making.  Here’s a clip from Crazy Girls in Heat.

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Note the attention paid to mise-en-scene (the set, props, costume) and editing; real thought and planning went into this film, something which is sorely lacking in– (continue reading…)

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Transsexual Gangbang: where’s the beef… everywhere!

by on Aug.25, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Black Belt Jones has been around the block, son.  Got some mother fucking skeletons in me closet.  Bound to happen.  At least I’m man ‘nuff to face the mother fucking facts.  Yeah, I’ve banged with some ladies with a little something extra.  They had 40DD titties and sucked cock like a Dyson vacuum cleaner, and I’ll tell you what, I’d do it again.  Just look at this action in Transsexual Gangbang.  It be jamming.

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Jimmy up, and go for it; that’s what I say.  As long as they’re ain’t no 6 o’clock shadow on da bitch’s face, it’s all good.  Your hetero image remains intact.  Take it from– (continue reading…)

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Mimi, from the Drew Carey Show, sucks a mean dick!

by on Aug.23, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Ah fuck, look at dat big bitch slurp up dat white boy’s semi!  She must be think it be her fourth lunch ‘cause she be savouring and not swallowing whole.  Damn, this girl from Plumper’s Island be a round one.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I be a huge fan of the huge.

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She reminds me of this one beanbag I use to sit on with me dick.  Mother fucking lady could eat me under– (continue reading…)

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You know you’re a geek when…

by on Aug.22, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

…you have to build a fucking robot, to, um, fuck a woman.  Look at this guy in the aptly named movie, Fuck Machine.  I don’t know about you, but if I had some top shelf pussy in heat sprawled out in front of me, I wouldn’t be thinking “I just know I can build some kind of machine to slam this,” hell, I’d have no brain activity at all; I’d be too busy busting nuts in premium clam.

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This is a textbook example of “decadent technology.”  We shouldn’t be wasting our resources on shit like– (continue reading…)

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Ginger Box: Redheads and their fiery bushes

by on Aug.21, 2009, under Adult Video Reviews

Yes sir, der be nothing more fine than a slice of pussy cherry pie.   You know BB Jones be having a thing for gingers since day one.  Love that orange muff, wanna spike it with my finger tent, nosh it between my lips with my mouth cock, then finally beat it to a fluffy pink dust with my low hanging balls wrecking ball.

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Above is Cherry Poppins doing her thing in Monster Cocks and Gaping Assholes 5.  She be one of my favs.   Love the soft body, the pale skin, and oh yes, the hairy twat.  Gotta have some– (continue reading…)

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