No wonder why the Morningstar got cast out of heaven, with a fully loaded spluge shotgun like this one, he must have been spunking up cloud nine something fierce.  Fuck, before this dude came along, the Pearly Gates were known as the Cast Iron Somewhat Decorative Gates.  Look at Lucifer go!  He’s got more stopping power in that there gun than a Desert jizzing Eagle.

See how that second brunette recoils as the first– (continue reading…)

Yeah, she be smokin’, but how much hotter would she be with a pair of double DDs strapped to her hard body frame?  Blat blat!  If you be thinking: out of this world, you son, are my homey.  “Make it round,” to quoth the immortal Sir Mix A Lot.

Jean cutoffs... these ones get a pass

Yeah son, there’s a place for small breasted women too, just not on my damn backyard.  Ya gotta pimp that shit out, add some– (continue reading…)

Geekdom, hold on to your retainers and feast your eyes on this!  Xena and Gabrielle finally drop their BFFs act and get their lesbian smash-on.  Now, I know what you’re thinking: it’s unhealthy to jizz this much, but it’s okay, everything is going to be okay!  Just hydrate and your shrunken voided sack should return to its normal pathetic size.  JK!

AIIILLALALALALALLALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The above picture is actually a photochop I found on Fleshbot.  Does knowing that ruin its crankability?  Do we really have to acknowledge the– (continue reading…)

As a simple man, I enjoy simple things.  I like beer, nothing fancy, as long as it’s not piss warm, I’ll drink it (who am I kidding, I’ll drink piping hot beer if I must).  I love a good sandwich.  I dig electronics.  And yes, I spend most of my free time watching television.  By all accounts, I’m a regular guy; then why is it I’m addicted to Hentai, Japanese pornographic animation?

Take this clip for example; it’s pretty fucking deviant.  My wife caught me the other day– (continue reading…)

It’s true!  Tony Danza would side-jump over a million couches and bang a million Monas just to have a gander, the briefest look, at the fine petite ass featured here in Try a Teen 14.  (I don’t know what my recent obsession with all things Danza has to do with teen porn, it just does and I’m gonna run with it.)   Move over Angela, Tony’s got some eggs to crack and some assholes to eyeball!

Eh oh, oh eh–let’s move on.  (The eighties, a television comedic wasteland, and yet I love it so.  What’s wrong with me?!)  Anywho, let’s get back to– (continue reading…)

Skeletor, I think we’ve got just the right biatch for you!   Damnit son, look at ‘em arms!  Black Belt Jones likes some tone on his women, but this is just fucking ludicrous.  Why does da bitch need to be so shredded?  What, she be training to beat Stallone in an arm wrestle, go over the fuckin’ top on my boy Rambo?

One part cancer patient, one part Arnold--they make no sense!

I’ve seen some lean twats in my dayz, but does she actually think this be a sexy look?  I want to know– (continue reading…)

Being a ravenous lesbian and a hot one at that, I’ve seen plenty of nearly perfect famine forms, but this chick takes first prize.  Look at her symmetry, those flawlessly perky boobs, that glowing complexion, that I’m-not-a-rocket-scientist-but-I’m-smart-enough-to-cum expression on her face.  Yep, this sweetheart is a keeper. She’s on a boat!

Yar!

Man, I need to take my act down to the yacht club and see if I can net me some boat cuties.  “Sure, we can be BFFs!” I’ll say.  And then– (continue reading…)

Many interesting things happen in a locker room, and most of them awfully gay.  Take the much fabled “eating the cracker” thingie, for example, where sexual endurance is ironically and disgustingly punished.  (If you’re not familiar with this rite of passage, let’s just say it involves a circle-jerk, one very semen drenched wafer, and one very unhappy camper.)  This is probably the worst of the locker room scene outside of the federal prison system.  Sure, there’s towel whipping, ass slapping, and I’m sure, the occasional toss in the washroom stall, but for the most part, no wild amateur interracial orgies take place…  OR DO THEY!  Allow me to introduce Couples Fantasy 5:

Here’s the proof that every now and then a spontaneous fuckfest breaks out in your local changing facility.  Look at ‘em cock smokers go— (continue reading…)

The Urban Dictionary is one fantastic resource, decoding all of those new-fangled words and sayings that Webster’s and the like don’t have the balls to touch with a ten foot ball touching pole.  The following is a sample of some of my personal favorites:

Pornfolio – The mass of porn that one has stored on their computer, generally in a separate folder.

Damn dude, I got 117 porn mpegs in my pornfolio.

Hasbian – A former lesbian who is now in a heterosexual relationship.

Spank Bank – A memorable collection of mental images that one wishes to retain for masturbatory purposes.

Milfie, I'll see you later. You're going into the Spank Bank

Cleveland Steamer – Also known as the Pasadena mudslide, California hot plate, or simply the “steamer”, this term commonly involves some variation on the act of defecating on a chest of a lover as a means of revenge.

After hearing that her boyfriend had been cheating on her, Nancy gave him the Cleveland steamer while he slept and left with his car. (continue reading…)

I’ve often thought about it myself: how does my vagina see the world? Does it see beauty?  Can it appreciate the colors of a sunset?  Does it notice the difference between spring and fall?  Where does its vision begin and where does it end?  Well, mystery solved.  Thanks Youtube for satisfying yet another self-indulgent curiosity.

I’m actually quite impressed with this little ditty.  The only thing missing– (continue reading…)